If I Could Only Count To Four
Man Loses Six-Pack, 4th of July Re-Scheduled
Bernard Nunez awoke Monday morning to find a third of his six-pack gone. The usually shirtless young man refused to remove his shirt at that afternoon’s swimming party, and requested to have the 4th of July postponed to the 9th. “I don’t know where they went. I was checking them out in the bathroom mirror at Olive Garden last night and I swear they were still there. Oh shit, what if I left them at Starbucks. And worse, which branch?”
“One thing you can count on at every party is Bernard chasing people shirtless, sometimes begging them to chase him with absolute disregard as to whether they’re passed out or not. When the girls start taking his shirt off, he shamelessly lets them. He’s so into being naked, I bet he even showers shirtless,” remarked Ponchito Mateo, a chubby middle-aged man who wishes to remain anonymous. “Losing his six-pack, he should be happy because that’s how a real man looks like,” momentarily exposing his belly before his wife poked him with a barbeque skewer and called him a “shameless exhibitionist.”
Bernard vows to search for the missing 2-packs in time for next week’s 4th of July party right after the oft-delayed Christmas party at 2.
